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Mar 5, 2009 20:22:08 GMT -6
Post by Shyft Trakia-Vorga VahtiDahl on Mar 5, 2009 20:22:08 GMT -6
As the Queen lyrics go, 'I want it all, and I want it now.' Some Dream Theater lyrics go, 'Too much is never enough.' That is kind of how I feel about every thing. I would kill for immortality. All of the requirements for life are a waste of my time, and life is too short. If I didn't have to eat or sleep, I would get so much more done.
I see two sides to most things. I both hate and love life. I both hate and love drama. My mood will usually determine which I am more biased toward (love or hate).
I do not express much of my emotion in my face or voice. People have made the mistake of assuming that I do not have emotion. Bollocks. My passion burns brighter than a thousand suns. My writing, music, and dreams could prove it to you, cause I certainly don't feel the need to.
I love to write science fiction, produce music, listen to music, spar, shoot airsoft, talk, and play The Specialists mod for Half-Life. I wish that I had trillions of dollars so that no thing could interfere with those things.
I live and breathe music and fantasy. My dreams are my home. As my dreams grow less intense, I feel more alienated from where I belong.
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Mar 10, 2009 0:08:21 GMT -6
Post by kaian on Mar 10, 2009 0:08:21 GMT -6
Hi, I kind of miss you right now.
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Mar 13, 2009 17:44:16 GMT -6
Post by Shyft Trakia-Vorga VahtiDahl on Mar 13, 2009 17:44:16 GMT -6
You will be back before you know it}=<)>
My mind is divided in to four parts, four modes, and they don't work well with each other- or rather- they don't work together, and they don't alternate very easily. For the sake of simplicity, I'll call them 'auto pilot', 'rave', 'book', and 'business'.
Rave covers the desire to go out and do shit- get out side, go places, meet new people. It also covers making music, spinning records, and practicing key board. It's got energy and impulsiveness. It's my extroverted side, and it rocks.
But then there's the 'book' side. That's my introspective side. It's where my deep ideas come from. Haha. That side plans. That side likes to sit around and think- and tell stories. That side is picky and cautious. That's where MPS comes from.
And the 'business' one only cares about money and getting shit done to make sure that I get what I need. Business bought my car, got my jobs, and built my auto pilot.
My auto pilot switches on when I don't want to deal with some thing, whether that is because I hate it, am bored with it, or have some thing else on my mind. It was on a lot of the time in school, most of the time at work, and every now again when I am with friends (while other things are going on in my head).
Many people probably have divisions like these (especially auto pilot. I bet that there are tons of people who only have auto pilot), but I wish to explain mine (greatly for my own sake). Rave and book don't care about money and don't even want it. Business wants stuff. I guess that rave wants to buy some stuff too, but to have and not buy. Rave doesn't care about my image as much as business does.
I would like to get them to work together, but not necessarily combine. Auto pilot can keep on doing what it is doing, for the most part. I get conflicts, though. One conflict is having spur of the moment calls while in book mode. If I find out that there's a sweet rave last minute in book mode, I probably won't want to go, because one: I didn't plan too. Two: I won't feel like being around lots of people. Three: I might not even feel like moving around or even going out side. Stuff like that- even if I really wanted to go. If I'm in rave mode, I can't concentrate on my stories. If I'm in book mode, I can't make music. When I would come home from work I would still be on full auto pilot or may be at least get to business mode, and I wouldn't be able to have any fun.
It effects the music that I listen to, too. Rave implies but also means that I want to listen to electronic music. I want it to sound big and booming and shit. Book is more in to organic music and electronic music that I usually wouldn't want to hear at a rave. Book appreciates subtleties more than rave does. Business likes... soulless robot music like shranz or some thing. Haha. My auto pilot prefers silence.
Book is my core. Music feeds my stories and my stories feed my music, but my stories come first. I would not be who I am without my dreams, and book is what pays attention to dreams. Book bears what is left of my child hood. It is my oldest quadrant, and the one that has shown the most growth. I don't understand it as much as rave, and I don't understand my other two parts as well as rave. Business is the newest part for obvious reasons.
I have uses for all of them of course, and I have expectations of all of them. I want auto pilot to save me from going crazy. I want rave to make me some cool music and meet me some cool friends. I want book to teach me understanding and write me some cool stories- and remember more good dreams. I want business to find a good way of making me some money (you know. Like get a job or some thing?). Even if it is hard to make them all work at once to multitask, I could be expected to schedule their tasks. I can't, though. If I feel like writing, that is all that I am going to be able to concentrate on. If I'm stuck on auto pilot, productivity and creativity have to wait.
I wanted to make business work with book- or may be even rave to come up with a fun way of making money. Sell music. Sell books. I was thinking about it all wrong, though. Business should have no thing to do until the creative product is complete. When the product is done then business can take over. Business and book can't help each other, and they don't belong together.
So I guess that I should just let the divisions take their courses, because I know that every thing will get done in the end. The thing is, though: I want it all and I want it now.
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Jun 1, 2009 21:24:43 GMT -6
Post by Shyft Trakia-Vorga VahtiDahl on Jun 1, 2009 21:24:43 GMT -6
I've been repeating a good rant lately, and even more recently have realized that I've read a similar rant before- so go here: www.ninjapirate.com/content.php?f=sort.htmlYay! Thilo Savage is the man. I hate it when people lie without thinking. I hate it when people lie to impress people, to prove a point (prove with lies?), to sound on top of things/knowledgeable, or to simply be included in a conversation. Every one does it. I know that I do it, too, but I think that very few others know that they do it. I try to catch and correct my self. I see other people swimming in the small time glory of their pathetic lies and exaggeration, and I see it on all sides of every conversation. What does that mean? It means that people try to live up to fake standards of liars by impressing them with lies. It seems like they are all wasting their time and could make friends a lot easier if they were all honest and could actually know and trust each other, but may be that's not the point. May be their real lives are so damned boring that they have to lie for their own sakes directly so that they can put up with their empty lives. Impressive lies are seen in every aspect of human life, be it friendships, those stupid job interview personality tests, or advertising. It seems ridiculous to combat the lying competition by boasting information that isn't true. You'd think that being trustworthy would be more inviting than all the bull shit, but I just went over how trust is super under rated by the masses.
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Jun 26, 2009 15:51:31 GMT -6
Post by mrmayer on Jun 26, 2009 15:51:31 GMT -6
Shyfto mcwhore has conformed out of fear and ignored all the teachings granted by the one he hates
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Jun 27, 2009 8:55:41 GMT -6
Post by Shyft Trakia-Vorga VahtiDahl on Jun 27, 2009 8:55:41 GMT -6
Aww. Did you have a bad day yesterday? Fuck off. I'm tired of you. Also, that picture rocks. Many laughs. Also, my mom never owned a minivan, and I walked to school after I stopped taking the bus. I graduated a long time ago. I drive my own vehicle. I drive this: I don't see why you keep talking about conformity, any way. Any thing one does is conforming to some sort of expectation.
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